Ch ch ch cha..cha...changes....

It's been little while since I've posted because I started a new job. 

I'm still working at the same place, just a new department and new role and it has taken some time away from being able to think and actually get my thoughts on...screen? LOL.

I have a run coming up next weekend.  I ran last month and I ran a week or two ago and I realized that I get mad at myself for not being 20lbs less or sizes smaller and I forget to acknowledge the smaller wins.  A year ago, I couldn't imagine running a 10k.  A year ago, my top speed on a treadmill was 4.8--after that was too uncomfortable.  A year ago, I was freaking out that I had my first 5k coming up and I had to run outside--something I didn't like doing.  Now, a year later, 5.7-6 is my "uncomfortable.  I prefer running outside because the treadmill just doesn't feel right.  And I can run a 5k and a 10k.  My strength and stamina have improved.

Emotionally, I am still working on some things.  I have found that since starting my new job, I haven't had as many dizziness issues. I'm also really busy, barely at my desk, and have a much more flexibility in my schedule.  I never realized how much that was impacting me.

I have other stress in my life and it's been tough to sort that out as easily.  I tend to want to hold on to all of the things and people that are positive in my life and try to keep my head in that space.  The tough part is when the environment around me makes it hard to stay focused and I start to spiral.  I noticed that my spiral includes some bad food choices.  It's like I'm filling my sadness and frustrations with crap and it makes me feel like crap...I need to stay focused by distracting myself. That sounds incredibly strange but makes complete sense.

I took a picture at work yesterday...I looked sad.  So I thought of something that makes me happy and I pretended it was right there in front of me. 

I am on 4 hours of restless sleep, I'm wearing mascara and some lip gloss.  I should really look like crap.  And I don't.  

And that feeling carried me into Sunday.  I woke up and worked out this morning...

                  

.. started laundry, cleaned the bathroom a little, ran to the store to get a birthday card, picked up my niece to babysit one of my kids and off to work I went...and something triggered...the stress was creeping in...my mind was wandering and wishing into the future and suddenly my present wasn't good enough.

I find myself wanting to drown that feeling in something to distract myself before it turns into one too many Dove chocolates, LOL.

Anyway, for the most part things are going well.  My weight keeps going up and down but this is the first time in a month that I've ended the weekend weighing less than where I started, so I'm going to hold on to that tonight as I get ready for bed.