One Month

While walking back to my desk this afternoon I realized that I have been on the Ideal Protein Diet for one month.  I’m not sure what prompted the thought…I had just looked at myself in the mirror and wasn’t disappointed…might have been that…or maybe I noticed that I wasn’t hankering for a piece of chocolate like I was yesterday.  Then, I started thinking that having a little protein in my salad for lunch really helps sustain me for the afternoon.  I have been trying to figure out what I can eat on those days when I feel like I just can’t fight the cravings and I guess the thought occurred to me that I am a whole month into this diet!

/sigh.  I’ll be honest.  I didn’t think I could do it.  And, if you asked me where I thought I would be, I would have told you that I hope to have lost 10lbs by Valentine’s Day and I hope I can stick to the diet. 

On January 10^th I signed up, on January 11^th I false started and by January 13^th I was into the diet, complete with a headache, lightheadedness and a slight feeling of dread that I wouldn’t be able to do it.

One month ago I made a commitment to myself and my family that I would do this…wondering if I could and fighting the little demon inside of me who was trying to tell me that I couldn’t, that I wouldn’t and that I would fail miserably because it wasn’t going to work for me.  And to just give up and eat the chocolates and cakes and candies I was craving.

Stupid demon.  Stupid ME. 

So, what’s changed in 1 month…

• I have more energy
• I have made dinner just about every night for 1 month (we order out on Fridays)
• The night sweats have been reduced to maybe one or two times as compared to every night
• I am sleeping better
• My new jeans that fit but were a little big and I thought made me look thin on January 9^th are humongous on me…and they make me look ridiculous now.
• My first new non-maternity jeans that I was so excited to just barely fit into in October now come on and off without unbuttoning/unzipping
• I feel better about myself
• I feel like I have control of my life again.  And that control has turned into confidence and that confidence has reminded me of who I am and why I have been so sad—I missed myself!
• I am happier.  My happiness has rubbed off on those around me, especially at home.
• I don’t feel as “foggy” all the time.  There have been some moments but nowhere near as foggy as I used to be.
• I’m 16.5lbs lighter.  (Maybe more…it’s been a few days since weigh in!)

And most importantly, I am excited about life, the future and the opportunities that I feel confident enough to take…because yes…they were always here but I was too foggy or depressed or centered in my own grief to notice…and honestly I don’t think I even noticed life…it was just happening and I was just going through it, letting it control me.  B overweight isn’t just a physical thing—it’s mental.  I do not want to be this way.  Not because I don’t want to be thought of as “fat” or “chubby” but because I don’t like the way I feel about myself.  I feel out of control, depressed and lost. 

So, where do I think I’ll be on March 12^th?  Well, that’s 4 weeks from today. So here’s my goal:

• I will be down at least 25lbs
• I will fit into ALL of my Summer 2009 jeans
• I will be able to button my 2007 clothes

Here’s to a successful first month!  I can’t wait to see what the next month brings!!