"In your head, in your head"...
(zombie, zombie zombie)
"What's in your head?"
Just a little Cranberries this evening...(Mom, the Cranberries were a band and that was from one of their songs)
I thought it was fitting...because I am having a mental, I need to get out of my own head, issue.
I've gained weight. Oh like a whole pound or something dumb...as one of my co-worker scoffed at me "That's a turd! That's not weight gain!" hahah. It was exactly what I needed to hear but I need to explain this because I think there might be some people who can identify with this...
Thirty-six pounds ago I stood in front of a mirror starring at myself...scrutinizing every inch of my body...glad that I had lost 8lbs and wondering where I was going to find the strength to lose the 40 or 50lbs I needed to lose to be healthy.
Then, by the power of Ideal Protein (I really wanted to say Gray Skull) and sacrifice, I'm standing in front of the mirror 3 months later with 15lbs left to go...and I still see the girl from 36lbs ago...
I gained 1lb. I cried. Because to me that wasn't ONE. It was 36lbs. It's like I can't see it. I put on my jeans from my first weigh in. I can fit Olivia in them with me! But mentally I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that I am not 36lbs heavier...and I am so mad at myself. I am mad that I cannot appreciate how far I have come and I am mad for gaining a pound. And then I'm mad for being mad about gaining a pound.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!
So tonight, I am going to try to remember how far I've come...and remember the girl I see in the mirror is in my head.
"What's in your head?"
Just a little Cranberries this evening...(Mom, the Cranberries were a band and that was from one of their songs)
I thought it was fitting...because I am having a mental, I need to get out of my own head, issue.
I've gained weight. Oh like a whole pound or something dumb...as one of my co-worker scoffed at me "That's a turd! That's not weight gain!" hahah. It was exactly what I needed to hear but I need to explain this because I think there might be some people who can identify with this...
Thirty-six pounds ago I stood in front of a mirror starring at myself...scrutinizing every inch of my body...glad that I had lost 8lbs and wondering where I was going to find the strength to lose the 40 or 50lbs I needed to lose to be healthy.
Then, by the power of Ideal Protein (I really wanted to say Gray Skull) and sacrifice, I'm standing in front of the mirror 3 months later with 15lbs left to go...and I still see the girl from 36lbs ago...
I gained 1lb. I cried. Because to me that wasn't ONE. It was 36lbs. It's like I can't see it. I put on my jeans from my first weigh in. I can fit Olivia in them with me! But mentally I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that I am not 36lbs heavier...and I am so mad at myself. I am mad that I cannot appreciate how far I have come and I am mad for gaining a pound. And then I'm mad for being mad about gaining a pound.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!
So tonight, I am going to try to remember how far I've come...and remember the girl I see in the mirror is in my head.
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