Happiness
I seriously need to get more creative with my post titles.
Today was ok. I definitely feel like I have more energy. Or maybe I can find more energy where I couldn't before.
I feel lighter or maybe it's more that I don't feel as sluggish. I feel...happy.
Now, I'm a pretty happy kid, usually. But ya know how sometimes you are happy and you can laugh and have a good time and get caught up in moments and crack jokes but there is still that lingering feeling...something in the back of your mind that is nagging at you? Sometimes we describe it as "just not feeling myself" or "I'm in a funk". I have been in a funk for 6, going on 7 years.
In June 2006, my body started changing and my brain quickly followed. What used to come naturally or feel fun and easy was a challenge. And as I type this, I realize that I was showing signs of depression. And it all stemmed from weight gain. Or so I thought.
Because that was the only part of it I could see. What I couldn't see what was happening inside my body--I could only feel it. So I felt slow, sluggish, sick, dizzy and FAT. And the only way to not feel slow and sluggish was to eat something and the only way to not feel fat was to NOT eat something...so for almost 7 years I have been fighting--fighting to feel better and find foods that will allow that without packing on the pounds. And what was happening inside me was something I had lost control of--my hormones.
And I exercised. Jillian Michaels and I were best friends for a few months. I managed to squeeze off 6lbs. Weight Watchers....geesh I must have joined and quit 4 times. I had success once. Between WW and exercise it was a full time job and I only lost a few pounds. And I would gain it back while on the program!
So I picked up a book that told me all about Thyroid disorders and PCOS and PMS and I had every symptom! So I learned a few things there and tried to change my diet that way. It was too complicated for me at that time and it wasn't working. And I still felt sick. And I started to feel crazy. Depriving myself of foods I love, working out 5 times a week, stressful job and stressful life events all came to a head. I abandoned programs and went straight for controlling things myself.
In June 2012, I started training for a 5k, and tracking my calories. I was following their recommended daily goal, which by October should have had me down at least 25lbs. I lost 6lbs and each ounce was a struggle. And then I got my blood work done. "Diet and exercise! That will lower your cholesterol and triglycerides and then you'll lose weight too!"
Yea, not so much. As I said in my first email about the IP diet, I'm in serious trouble.
So that's why I am here. I knew about this diet in November 2010. It scared me. I thought "oh I couldn't do this diet! And I'm not THAT overweight that I need to do something THAT drastic!" And then I started to see it working in other people...and I read more about it....and came to terms with the fact that I really AM that overweight...and when the endocrinologist I voluntarily went to told me "just change your diet and exercise more, I can't give you a magic pill...you're probably insulin resistant...you have bad genes" and I saw my blood work creeping toward the "found in people who are per-diabetic" number I immediately (like I totally had my appointment on Wednesday night and picked up the diet stuff on Thursday night) started the IP diet.
And at only 6 days in I am so glad that I am making this change. I feel in control. Sure, I have to eat a prescribed amount of veggies and take certain vitamins and the diet I am doing doesn't allow as much freedom as something like WW. But...I am making changes and they are WORKING. And I can see the control I have over how the food I am putting in my body is impacting the way I feel, the way my clothes feel and what the scale says.
Am I obsessed? Yup. But as anyone would when starting something new--you live it until you learn it and then it becomes easy.
So today, on Day 6, I am unofficially down 3.5lbs. I am happy because I can see the result of my sacrifices and I can see how little the sacrifice has been. I finally have the tools I need to succeed now. It's up to me to use them properly. That gives me hope that I can do this and makes me feel in control of my happiness.
Weigh in in T - 29.5 hours. Hoping the scales show the same progress!!
Today was ok. I definitely feel like I have more energy. Or maybe I can find more energy where I couldn't before.
I feel lighter or maybe it's more that I don't feel as sluggish. I feel...happy.
Now, I'm a pretty happy kid, usually. But ya know how sometimes you are happy and you can laugh and have a good time and get caught up in moments and crack jokes but there is still that lingering feeling...something in the back of your mind that is nagging at you? Sometimes we describe it as "just not feeling myself" or "I'm in a funk". I have been in a funk for 6, going on 7 years.
In June 2006, my body started changing and my brain quickly followed. What used to come naturally or feel fun and easy was a challenge. And as I type this, I realize that I was showing signs of depression. And it all stemmed from weight gain. Or so I thought.
Because that was the only part of it I could see. What I couldn't see what was happening inside my body--I could only feel it. So I felt slow, sluggish, sick, dizzy and FAT. And the only way to not feel slow and sluggish was to eat something and the only way to not feel fat was to NOT eat something...so for almost 7 years I have been fighting--fighting to feel better and find foods that will allow that without packing on the pounds. And what was happening inside me was something I had lost control of--my hormones.
And I exercised. Jillian Michaels and I were best friends for a few months. I managed to squeeze off 6lbs. Weight Watchers....geesh I must have joined and quit 4 times. I had success once. Between WW and exercise it was a full time job and I only lost a few pounds. And I would gain it back while on the program!
So I picked up a book that told me all about Thyroid disorders and PCOS and PMS and I had every symptom! So I learned a few things there and tried to change my diet that way. It was too complicated for me at that time and it wasn't working. And I still felt sick. And I started to feel crazy. Depriving myself of foods I love, working out 5 times a week, stressful job and stressful life events all came to a head. I abandoned programs and went straight for controlling things myself.
In June 2012, I started training for a 5k, and tracking my calories. I was following their recommended daily goal, which by October should have had me down at least 25lbs. I lost 6lbs and each ounce was a struggle. And then I got my blood work done. "Diet and exercise! That will lower your cholesterol and triglycerides and then you'll lose weight too!"
Yea, not so much. As I said in my first email about the IP diet, I'm in serious trouble.
So that's why I am here. I knew about this diet in November 2010. It scared me. I thought "oh I couldn't do this diet! And I'm not THAT overweight that I need to do something THAT drastic!" And then I started to see it working in other people...and I read more about it....and came to terms with the fact that I really AM that overweight...and when the endocrinologist I voluntarily went to told me "just change your diet and exercise more, I can't give you a magic pill...you're probably insulin resistant...you have bad genes" and I saw my blood work creeping toward the "found in people who are per-diabetic" number I immediately (like I totally had my appointment on Wednesday night and picked up the diet stuff on Thursday night) started the IP diet.
And at only 6 days in I am so glad that I am making this change. I feel in control. Sure, I have to eat a prescribed amount of veggies and take certain vitamins and the diet I am doing doesn't allow as much freedom as something like WW. But...I am making changes and they are WORKING. And I can see the control I have over how the food I am putting in my body is impacting the way I feel, the way my clothes feel and what the scale says.
Am I obsessed? Yup. But as anyone would when starting something new--you live it until you learn it and then it becomes easy.
So today, on Day 6, I am unofficially down 3.5lbs. I am happy because I can see the result of my sacrifices and I can see how little the sacrifice has been. I finally have the tools I need to succeed now. It's up to me to use them properly. That gives me hope that I can do this and makes me feel in control of my happiness.
Weigh in in T - 29.5 hours. Hoping the scales show the same progress!!
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